(KS) I'm going to be honest with you, I am not a very patient person by nature. When I see something that I want, I do what I need to do to get it. I'm not talking about a new set of earrings, or a new pair of shoes. I'm talking about more important things... for example, having another baby. Of course I pray about it. I seek the wisdom of those that I find wise. But I still tend to have the kind of personality that "gets things done".
Over the years God has clearly been trying to gently shape me into what He wants me to be... aka patient. This is like working a muscle that you didn't even know that you have. It's not fun. It hurts. But, the end result is beautiful.
It has happened over and over in my young life of 37 years. I had to wait 2 whole years before my amazing husband FINALLY proposed to me. Then, I had to wait another 2 whole years before we were wed. I had to wait 4 years before we became pregnant (by accident because Jeff wasn't quite ready for kids).
With each baby, I had to be patient and wait for my husband to catch up with the "baby fever" that I had. These are just a few examples of things I've had to wait for... but I can look back at each experience and see how The Lord was molding me, shaping me. I don't learn very easily.
So here we are waiting once again... our Ohio CPS clearance is what we're waiting for. And it's been 10 weeks, without the paperwork to date. Now, for a person who just gets things done, believe me, I've done all that I can possibly do, other than taking a trip to the state office and physically doing the background check myself (sigh). It's frustrating. Yet, I'm learning that this is my growing edge... it's exactly what God has been working on in me for years. This time, I'm trying to get it right, right off the bat so that I don't have to wander in the wilderness (think Israelites) for 40 years.
How am I getting it right? After speaking to a good friend of mine, who reminded me that there are "lessons in the waiting", I'm making a concerted effort to leave my longings and desires at the foot of the cross, without taking them back every 5 minutes. That means not stalking my social worker for news, not checking my email every 5 minutes... but instead each time the thought comes to my mind, turning it around into a praise of the One who put this desire of adoption in my heart in the first place.
This is HIS thing, not mine. He's preparing a child/children to perfectly fit our family. He's preparing us for these children. His timing is perfect. He's never late, He's never early.
It's amazing how much freedom there is in this line of thinking. It takes all of the yucky, empty, fearful feelings away. Instead replacing it with His perfect peace.
Isaiah 26:3 NIV
You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you.
Thanks, Heather for reminding me... I am indeed learning that there are lessons in the waiting.