Friday, October 29, 2010

stream of consciousness...

(KS) So it's midnight, and I can't sleep.

















I have a swirling of emotions flowing through my body tonight. I've been sitting at the computer for over an hour editing photos, reading blog posts etc. trying to come to grips with all of the thoughts in my head and on my heart.

First of all, I'm super excited to announce that 3 of our cyber friends (Jody, Tami and Megan and their respective husbands), that we've met through our adoption journey, received their I171H forms this week!! This is super exciting news and we are thrilled for them. WOOHOO!

This is THE form that we are waiting for as well, and it is the last and final piece of paper that we need in order to send our dossier to Ethiopia.

We are all hoping that maybe God allowed us to meet through our Yahoo group because we'd eventually be traveling together to bring our babies home. Oh, that would so amazing! This journey has been so much sweeter having friends who are walking this journey with us, who understand the ups and downs and are right there to send words of encouragement, or offer up a prayer whenever we need it. Thanks girls!

One of the posts that I read tonight was on my good friend Jody's blog, where she posted a couple of emails from some families that are in Addis right now, at the 2 orphanages that our agency works with.
Our baby/ babies will most likely be coming from 1 of these 2 orphanages.

My heart is breaking into shards as I try to process what I read on her blog about the conditions of the orphanages and lack of supplies. I learned that there are NO diapers for the babies. None. They are wrapped with a piece of torn sheet or cloth, and then are clothed with a onesie to hold it in place. The babies are wet/soiled and don't have the means to be changed on a frequent basis. There are no mattresses on many of the cribs. Just a wooden board.

As I read these words with tears streaming down my face I was thinking back to earlier today when I was awaking from a nap (yes, I still nap... try having 4 kids!) to the sound of Lincoln crying.
























I went in and got him out of his crib, brought him to bed with me where he laid on my chest all nice and toasty warm. He snuggled up with me under the covers and we rested for a few more minutes. He would look up at me every couple of minutes to give me his killer grin, then lay back down on my chest.


















The thought that keeps coming to my mind is, who is holding my baby in Ethiopia tonight? Is he getting a goodnight kiss from a kindhearted person? Does he/she have a soft blanket to keep him warm? Is he dry as he falls asleep? Is his belly full? How can he sleep comfortably on a wooden board? Will someone comfort him when he cries? How long will it be before I can hold him in my arms and comfort him as I do all of my children?

I don't take for granted the ability to love on my kids when I read something like those words that I read from Jody's blog. It makes me hug them a bit tighter. I want to listen to them a bit more. I want to look into their eyes, and let them know how much I love them.

















It's amazing that Jeff and I already have such a huge place in our hearts for a baby that we haven't even laid eyes on.

















Even though we already have 4 amazing kids, they're still so much room for more to love. That's just the way that God designed us.


















I have to trust that Jesus is holding our little one and caring for him until we get there to bring him home.

We're getting closer. I'm amazed by God's faithfulness to get us there. I'm hopeful and eager that it's going to be soon.

5 comments:

  1. I remember when we were waiting for Joshua I first heard the song Merry Christmas by Third Day about his little girl in China on Christmas and I just cried and cried. The orphanage that Joshua was in was not like the one you described but no matter what the waiting is so hard...the wondering....I know you are praying for you little person and I too never prayed so hard as during our wait. God answered all of our prayers and he will answer your too. I will pray that someone will hold and care for your little one while you wait. Remember that the child you are going to get may not even be in orphanage yet....Joshua was not. Have a wonderful day and I hope you get you I 171 H soon! Jennifer

    ReplyDelete
  2. I can completely understand your achy heart and wondering! The process will continue to weigh on you with each step (DTE, referral, updated photos, etc), but the good part that I haven't reached yet is that one day we will hold our little ones :)! Waiting on that I171H is one of the first true "waits", so I understand your feelings! I will say some prayers for you and your family right now!

    Mandie
    menzeradoption.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  3. I remember that I was hoping to travel with a friend who switched at the same time to Ethiopia as I did and it did not happen, but I did get to travel with a dear friend from Columbus that I had gotten to know in person and that was really fun. You never know what God has planned.
    I am praying in your waiting. the photos are great!
    Amy

    ReplyDelete
  4. You are SUCH an encouragement to me! Thank you for being YOU! I totally understand your wondering of where your little one is, and who is caring for him, and what he is feeling. You are correct, my friend! God DOES hear our prayers!!!! And I will continue praying for you and your little man! Let's pray our babies HOME!!!! And until they are in our arms......let's remember that they are in God's arms......couldn't be in any better place than that! *HUGS*

    ReplyDelete
  5. Such great encouragement. Thank you for sharing your heart! We are praying for you guys and that the i171H comes VERY soon!

    ReplyDelete